At the mall, Seated in a table for two, right outside a busy Starbucks, adjacent to the Nordstrom entrance, buried in the crowd of passersbys…
My mom and I were having a much-needed laugh (one of those my-belly-hurts-from-laughing laughs).
We hadn’t laughed in months it had, so this was a rare, but very welcome occurrence. I was too broken to be anything near my normal self. It was so easy to pretend with everyone else. I hadn’t hurt them. But, I did, in fact, hurt my mom.
“How… did you end up…. with 5 cups?” Mom exclaimed, fighting through the laughter. I had just brought our drinks and sat down at the table.
“I honestly don’t even know…” I shot back giddy. I guess I asked for 2 extra cups and then went back for water cups too. I could barely hold all our drinks.
Confession: My new favorite thing has to be Starbucks’ new fall cups. And not the nice pretty plastic reusable ones. It’s the cardboard ones that they place all the hot beverages in.
Another confession: I almost never finish an entire cup of hot coffee. On a rare occasion I do, it’ll take me hours, and it’ll be cold by then.
Well, my mother is the exact same way.
So I order the smallest size you can, asked for an extra cup to split the drink (the remedy to finishing our hot drinks before they become cold) with mom, and went on my merry way…. with two fall cups in hand.
This all happened a month or two ago, on one of our old classic my mom/daughter dates. We went to mall to window shop for fall boots at Nordys. The truth is both our birthdays were coming up and we were both secretly/ not-so-secretly trying to figure out which kind of boots the other would want.
We could barely talk to one another without tears, so many times we would just sit and stare at the floor in silence.
But, we still cared about each other enough to remember birthdays.
It was one of those rough patches.. those rough seasons.. where you feel as if you are out of the woods, but still trying to get steady on your footing.
But oh, but for right now, I was so thankful for the laughter in the air.
“Can things ever go back to normal?” This was a thought that both crossed our minds. I could see it when she would glance over at me.
Then, holding back tears, she would lovingly rearrange a strand of my hair that was out of place.
The look on her face was one of sadness, but now I saw it mixed with another emotion I had not seen before… I believe it was hope.
Hope that things will be better… in time.